Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Cunt of the Day: Watch what you're doing, cunts

Wednesday's Cunt of the Day will be none other than Cuntwatch itself. We'll address it in more detail tomorrow, but since there's some traffic coming from the Raving Atheists forums, we wanted to make it known right away that we inadvertently stole this blog address from the title of a thread there created by Choobus, who, it should be noted, has a pretty awesome fucking blog himself.

Judging by the comments in our first post, Choobus is totally cool with it, which makes us happy. But we're still cunts.


When we decided to start a blog exposing a different cunt every day, (or nearly every day, as time permits), we created Cuntwatch. We won't pretend that we never saw the thread of the same name over at the RA forums. We lurk there quite frequently and, in fact, linked to their wonderful forums the day we created this blog. We also won't pretend that we didn't know about that thread title when we created this blog. The originality of that thread title simply hadn't struck us, which, in hindsight, is pretty fucking stupid. We just figured that we're trying to identify _____ and named the blog _____watch. There was no intentional thoughts of, "Oh, there's that thread over at the RA forums named cuntwatch, let's run with it." But again, in hindsight, the title obviously popped into our brains so quickly because we remembered it from there.

Few cunts are as cuntastic as those who plagiarize, and we certainly don't want to be in that category. That said, please be aware that this was an unintentional brainfart. If any of you Raving Atheists are reading this, hopefully you realize that we wouldn't have posted comments on Choobus' blog if we realized we were stealing from him, even though that sounds like something a plagiarizing cunt would say. Anyways, the Awesome Chooblog has now been linked along with the forums. And we realize we're cunts. Sorry 'bout that. And thanks for your understanding, Choobus.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Cunt of the Day: Kristian Karate Kunt

Today's Cunt of the Day award could be awarded to the rest of the blogosphere for pouncing all over Chuck Norris, or to Cuntwatch, for not finishing this post yesterday. But the Texas Ranger crawled out of his cunt coffin Monday to sprout this psychotic rambling to earn the coveted cookie.

Oh, Chuck, you ugly uneducated cunt, where to start? Let's take it from the top:

This past week an ABC News debate aired on "Nightline," which pitted popular theists against Internet atheists. While I'll have more to say about that battle of wits in my next article, it testifies to the growing number (30 million Americans) of those who profess there is no God. Add to that what I believe is possibly three times the number of functional atheists, those who believe in a God but practically don't show it, and America is facing a new religious horizon in which atheism is becoming a formidable foe.

"Functional atheists." Nice one. Fucking dipshit. When the author of a column on atheistm doesn't know what the word "atheist" means, you know you could be in for some good old-fashioned batshit-crazy.

But what we like most about this opening paragraph is that Norris gets his bigotry out of the way immediately by referring to atheism as a "foe." Obviously, Norris is one of the many convenient Christians that prefers the Old Testament to the New.

Though the majority of Americans continue to claim to be Christians, a Gallup poll
discovered 45 percent of us would support an atheist for president, 55 percent
would support a homosexual candidate and 72 percent would support a Mormon

Such a survey is a clear indication that most Americans are simply confused about what it means to be Christian. It also shows that the secularization of society is alive and well, especially when almost half would endorse an atheist president.

We heartily agree with Charlie's pessimism over the results of this poll, but mostly because we believe that religious beliefs have nothing to do with one's capacity for serving in public office. Apparently "what it means to be Christian" is "vote for other Christians for public office, regardless of who the best candidate is."

Once upon a time, years ago, it seemed that the only major fire for atheism
burned from the anti-Christian work of Madelyn Murray O'Hair and the American
Atheist organization, whose claim to fame was the banning of prayer and Bible
reading in public schools in 1963.

Today many more antagonist groups and individuals to theism abound, and they are using every means possible for global proliferation – from local government to the World Wide Web. Such secular progressives include the Institute for Humanist Studies, Secular Coalition of America, American Atheists, American Humanist Association, Internet Infidels, the Atheist Alliance International, Secular Student Alliance, Society for Humanistic Judaism, Freedom From Religion Foundation, Military Association of Atheists and Freethinkers, etc. Of course no list of atheistic advocates would be complete without mentioning the ACLU and Planned Parenthood, as well as the anti-God militancy of men like Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris.

This is always fun. Like most Christards, Norris fails to realize that the ACLU is one of the biggest defenders of Christians in the country. Seriously, you've got to admire cunt-servative douchewizards like Norris, Hannity, Limbaugh, et. al. They've managed to make "liberal," "atheist," "ACLU," "progressive," and many other words as dirty as "communist" by lying to their sheeple. Impressive, cunts.

Though the U.S. Constitution outlaws religious discrimination, these
organizations and individuals would love nothing more than to help society look
with distain[sic] upon Christianity and, ultimately, make its components illegal. In
fact, right now, they are coalescing and rallying at least 5 million of their
troops to mount counter offensives to Christianity.

For that reason I believe theistic patriots need to be wise to atheists' overt and covert schemes, exposing their agenda and fighting to lay waste to their plans.

Alright, finally some batshit crazy! And why the fuck weren't we notified of the troop rallying? We're practically 4-star generals!

Step 1: Initiate restrictions and legislation against theism and Christianity
In God we bust
For these liberal groups to win the war of ideological dominance, they know they must minimize the effects of Christianity, which many are doing (unbeknownst to others) behind the scenes through lobbying and legislation. In fact, two significant actions occurred on the National Day of Prayer just two weeks ago!

The London Telegraph noted that, while American Christians were praying across
the land on the National Day of Prayer, atheists were petitioning the Texas
Legislature against the civic display of the words, "In God We Trust."

There's that "L" word! Did you know that Liberals want to outlaw religion, guns, and steak sauce while making abortions mandatory for all women? It's true. They also want to change the penalty for murder from death to 30-days community service at preschools. And they want to make child molestors teachers, while serial rapists get to babysit your grandmother. Watch out for those eviL Liberals.

Eroding and erasing theistic language in culture is a growing trend. Earlier
this year George Washington dollar coins were not only inscribed with the words
"In God We Trust" on their edges, but many excluded them entirely! Such minting modifications are a flagrant defiance against theism and a public reflection of the place God is now relegated – to the fringes of society.
You stupid fucking cunt. While sheeple will believe this nonsense, it was a fucking accident, dipshit. (Though it shouldn't have been.)

Secularists of course have made repeated attempts to rid "under God" from "The
Pledge of Allegiance." Thank God the Legislature of Texas is moving along a bill to include the words in our state pledge: "Honor the Texas flag; I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one state under God and indivisible." I was also grateful to read in the Dallas Morning News May 1 that the House also embraced legislation "that seeks to clarify the rights of Texas public school students to offer public prayers at football games or graduation, hand out religious messages or hold religious meetings during the school day if they want."
Why would you thank God for that, Chuck? Why not thank...oh...how about...the fucking Texas Legislature? You know, the people who put forth this nonsense in the first place? Science H. Logic, you people can't even thank each other for what you do!

Another example of atheistic advocacy can be found in the 10,000-member Freedom from Religion Foundation initiation of a Supreme Court case, which asserts that President Bush's faith-based initiatives pose a violation of the wall of separation between church and state.
They do you worthless mountain of can't act. "Batshit crazy" must not translate the First Amendment very well.

Atheists also received a proverbial shot in the arm by locating a representative and advocate of sorts in Rep. Pete Stark, D-Calif., who "is the first member of Congress – and the highest-ranking elected official in the country – to make known that he is a nontheist."

His election stands in stark contrast to the wishes of our Founding Fathers, who encouraged American citizens to vote Christians into public office. As John Jay, the first chief justice of the United States, wrote to Jedidiah Morse on Feb. 28, 1797, "Providence has given to our people the choice of their rulers. And it is the duty as well as the privilege and interest, of a Christian nation to select and prefer Christians
for their rulers."

Oh, well, clearly some fucking letter from John Jay speaks for all of the founding fathers. Particularly Thomas Jefferson.

The tyranny of the state over the church
The other legal disgrace that occurred on the National Day of Prayer was that Congress passed what might become one of the most religiously restrictive pieces of legislation in history: H.R. 1592, "The Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act." With Senate approval, this bill will expand the law against such hate crimes, allowing federal funds and other resources to assist local law enforcement to deter and punish acts of violence committed against an individual because of the victim's race, religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, etc.

While the bill purports to target crimes of brutality, not speech, it could very easily end up (even inadvertently) restricting First Amendment rights of Christians to speak freely against such anti-biblical practices as homosexuality and transvestitism.
As Janet Folger, the author of "Criminalizing Christianity," has pointed out, "H.R.
1592 isn't about hate. It isn't about crime. It's about silencing our speech." As with other laws of this type, once enacted, local justices could easily expand its interpretive enforcement to encompass a wider meaning than originally conceived. Once enforced, what would stop a clergy from being accused as an accessory to a hate crime, after he preached to his church on Sunday about the woes of same-sex marriage and discovered on Monday one of his congregants got in a fight with a homosexual co-worker as a result of a moral altercation? The fact is, if the hate-crime bill passes, pastors could easily become pulpit partners in crime.

I agree with Rev. Henry Jackson, who said the law would "mandate unequal protection under the law and will pave the way for criminalization of thoughts and religious beliefs contrary to politically correct ideas."

Hate-crime laws are not only a violation of our First Amendment rights to freedom of speech and religion, but a violation of the 10th Amendment's limitations on the power of federal government.

Hang together or hang separately?
Thank God our president's senior advisers have gone on record that they will advise him to veto the bill if it reaches the doors of the White House. We, too, must follow his lead by speaking up and taking a stand against this unnecessary and unconstitutional bill – and any others like it. Just as atheists are gathering to combat God, we patriots must come together to sustain the godly heritage we've been handed. As Benjamin Franklin said, "We must all hang together, or most assuredly we will all hang separately."

I urge you to write the president and your representatives today to encourage the overturning of this ungodly, religiously restricting and unconstitutional piece of legislation, erroneously titled by the misnomer, "Hate Crimes Prevention Act."

The blogosphere has been all over the legislation, but apparently Norris didn't read it. Otherwise, he'd know what a load of bullshit he just sprouted. And a Christian wouldn't sprout lies intentionally to their sheeple to get them angry at liberals, would he?

Stay tuned next Monday when I give the second half of this treatise, "How
to outlaw Christianity (steps 2 & 3)," in which I will also convey one of
the most shocking, despicable atheistic tactics I've ever seen.

A cliffhanger! Oh Chuck, you naughty, naughty cunt. I can't wait to see what it is! (Ten Hail Mary's says it's the Blasphemy Challenge.)

Congratulations, Chaz! We finally got around to exposing you as a cunt, and because you're so full of hot air, you got us to post our longest post yet. Now go shave that cat carcass off of your cunt face.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Cunt of the Day: Nappy Headed Cunt

We never thought we'd be coming to the defense of a Republican or a Mormon here at Cuntwatch, but today's Cunt of the Day has been sprouting his follicular cuntitude for far too long, and we need to identify the cretinous cunt.

Cuntwatch has and will continue to fight for the rights of all minorites around the world, but the Reverend Al Sharpton needs to be recognized as the fat, ugly, disgusting, racist, intolerant, bigoted, fascist cunt that he is. We know many African-Americans, and know of none that voted for this cunt as their spokesman. Yet there he is, along with his partner in crime, at the fore every time he perceives injustice towards the African-American community.

Sadly, it seems that only conservative cunts have the balls to question his past, his motives, and his absurd haircut. We're not going to get into all of Sharpton's controversies today, since we like to keep the cunts current, but let's just say he has a long and distinguished rap sheet for being a bigoted cunt. No, today Sharpton is back in the news for alienating another group of people, this time Mormons, for some comments made about Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney.

In a debate with Christopher Hitchens, Sharpton was quoted as saying, with regards to Romney:

"As for the one Mormon running for office, those that really believe in God
will defeat him anyway, so don't worry about that. That's a temporary

To be clear, we believe that Mormons are some of the biggest cunts on Earth. No other fairy-tale belief comes close to the absurdity of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. (What a stupid fucking name, by the way.) We certainly agree with Sharpton in that Mormons do not believe in a real God. Of course, neither does Sharpton. Or anyone for that matter. But we digress.

How can this pile of shit continue to call himself a "civil rights activist" when he continues to insult virtually every group of citizens on the planet except for blacks (who he insults only indirectly, by way of his mere existence)? Sharpton did his usual routine, claiming the quote was taken out of context, even going as far as criticizing Romney further, alleging that Mitt the Mormon Moron's camp was making "a blatant effort to fabricate a controversy to help their lagging campaign."

Al, you can criticize Mormons all you want. But when you enter the political arena and call yourself a seeker of "social justice," you'd better act like one. Sadly, this huckster knows that the only way to keep the cash coming in is to continue his cunt-roversies, so we don't expect his behavior to change any time soon.

Al Sharpton, congratulations you worthless cunt. You made us come to the defense of a Mormon Republican you fat fucking hypocrite. We're going to take a shower.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Cunt of the Day - Alliterative Co-Cunts

For the first time in the long and illustrious history of Cuntwatch, we have co-Cunts of the Day. While the blogosphere has beaten this to death over the past week, it's impossible not to award the cunty crown(s) to Crazy Christians Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort for their performance in the debate televised on Nightline last night against the Rational Response Squad.

As noted, these cunts have been well documented in the blogosphere, and we hate to beat a dead cunt. But this was really a no-brainer. Pun very much intended.

Let's recap. Two weeks ago, when the debate was announced, Comfort was quoted as saying,

"Most people equate atheism with intellectualism, but it's actually an
intellectual embarrassment. I am amazed at how many people think that God's
existence is a matter of faith. It's not, and I will prove it at the debate -
once and for all. This is not a joke. I will present undeniable scientific proof
that God exists."

So some New Zealander with a gay porn 'stache that has no theological training, let alone scientific education, along with his sidekick, a former 80's child actor/teen idol, is going to answer the question that has eluded the brightest minds in the history of mankind. We're intrigued.

We won't review the whole debate, which you can find all over the web, particularly at Nightline's website. (A runner up for Cunt of the Day was whoever produced this mess and made what should have been an interesting debate a nearly unwatchable mess. For further analysis on the horrible production, see The Friendly Atheist's take on the topic.)

But we digress. The focus is on Cuntfort's statement that he would "presend undeniable scientific proof" that God exists. What was that proof? To paraphrase, "If paintings require painters, and buildings require builders, then creation requires a creator."

This "proof" has been so thoroughly manhandled by anyone with a mustard seed of intellectual honesty that most respectable Christians even laugh at it. While we shouldn't be surprised that Comfort pulled this garbage out of his gaping rectum, we were hoping for a little more bat-shit crazy, and a little less juvenille apologetics.

Cameron could capture co-cunt with Comfort just for showing up, but not to be outdone, he showed how much he learned about Darwinian evolution while studying under this noted scientist by vomiting out that there are no transitional fossils. His argument was, essentially, "You don't have a fossil of a half-cow/half-frog, therefore Jesus will smite you."

The saddest part of this whole fiasco is that there are plenty of Krazy Kristians out there that buy into this nonsense, refusing to educate themselves for fear of Jesus' wrath. So congratulations Co-Cunts. You have taken douchebaggery to a whole, shiny new level.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Our Very First Cunt

With such an overwhelming amount of cunts in this cunt tree of America, one might think that identifying the first Cunt of the Day would be a tedious, drawn-out process. In fact, it is a scientifically proven fact that there are more cunts in the U.S.A than there are non-cunts. How in the name of Ted Haggard could we pick one inaugural cunt out of more than 150 million cunts?

The truth is, we at Cuntwatch had to think about this for about three seconds. The answer is painfully obvious. Congratulations, G.W. Bush. You are our first Cunt of the Day!

Oh, Decider, you conniving cunt. What have you done to earn such an honor? It's hard to pick just one cuntriculous thing you've done, but we like to stay current here at Cuntwatch, so let's go to the news:

Let's recap - Friday night a devastating tornado ripped through the town of Greensburg, Kansas, killing at least 11 people, and destroying approximately 95% of the town. The survivors have no homes, no jobs, nothing. But the Cunt-in-Chief was nowhere to be found until today. Why did it take him five days to show up and offer his support to the survivors? Well, he had to spend a couple of days cavorting with a figurehead old lady with no power or influence in the world whatsoever. Glad you've got your priorities straight you worthless cunt.

As is typical, Bush acted like a child during his visit to the devastated town. The AP article linked above reports that at one point Bush "ambled down the road to a house with no roof, almost slipping as he picked his way across a chunk of metal on the lawn. He briefly grabbed a chain saw, ripping it into action for the cameras and other media that accompanied him."

There he is, folks. The leader of the free world wants to make sure that the media knows he can properly operate a chainsaw for no reason whatsoever.

It's only fitting that a guy named Bush is our first identified cunt here at Cuntwatch, and we've got a feeling this won't be our last rendezvous.

George W. Bush: You are a cunt.